For my creative writing class, we had to write a short piece in the same style as the author of an assigned reading. It has to be a two page "How-To" guide about something personal, and it needs to be written in the second-person. The original work was "How to date a brown girl black girl white girl or halfie" by Junot Diaz. This is my version. I poured my heart into this, so enjoy!
Sneak it surreptitiously into small-talk all week when acquaintances inquire about your Friday night plans, because the chance to do so does not arise often. Ideally, you'd be a man whore, or better yet, a devoted lover, but your carefully planned aspirations to be the eclectic blend of British, metrosexual, and G.Q. model that is so highly coveted by straight women and gay men clash with your incongruous anatomical ensemble. And so, you embrace this blue moon with every inch of your biology, or lack thereof.
If the date is with a girl, brace yourself for the high fives and one-dimensional dialogue of straight men as they vicariously channel their voyeuristic lust into your dinner reservations-even though your involuntary participation in the female role for seventeen years of your life has primed you to view their misogynistic comments with repugnance.
If the date is with a guy, brace yourself for the furrowing of brows from the same people who have just been cajoled into tentative acceptance by your heartfelt rendition of what it means to be a man in spite of what it says on your birth certificate, only to have their conception of masculinity challenged even further as an additional tier is cemented onto your irrevocably queer identity.
While you debate on what to wear, be sure to disassociate every time you look down, or your dysphoria will trigger an inconveniently timed panic attack. Luckily, the psychological saran-wrap that your eyes utilize as they glaze over reminds you to grab a condom on your way out the door. At the last minute, you stick a knife into your coat pocket, not only because it offers the illusion of security from belligerent drunk people on Easton Avenue when they take note of your effeminate features, but because you might need to seek refuge with the blade in a bathroom stall when your date inevitably makes some remark that reminds you of the components that are covalently bonded below your belt.
When you arrive at the restaurant, give your date a hug and pull out their chair for them because it has taken you a lifetime to earn your unalienable right to be the chivalrous one. There is a 95% chance that they too are a member of the LGBTQIA community, so there is never a dearth of conversation topics and the sexual innuendos flow as freely as international trade.
However, you are well aware that-ironically enough-participating in acts of sodomy does not mean that someone has been enlightened with original plumbing etiquette or that their vocabulary has been enriched with “nice-t words.” If it is a first or second date, you try not to feel completely violated when they inevitably ask you about the sordid details of surgery or menstruation and instead steer the conversation in the direction of a mutual intellectual interest or favorite movie. It is not a matter of whether or not they will disappoint you and end up being like everyone else; it is a matter of when.
You bristle as an incendiary circuit sends a powerful charge coursing through your entire system when they use language that, in no uncertain terms, elucidates the feminine etiology of your past. The stormy sky inside of you invokes a simile involving idiots and electrical outlets. They might even ask you when you decided to be trans. You have to remember that this isn’t Facebook and you can’t sardonically call people out on their ignorance by responding with a string of song lyrics such as, “Oh what a night/Late December back in ‘63.”
The two of you head back to either your place or their place. All you want to do is hook up while watching a Mel Brook’s movie on a used sofa that has been mottled by mystery liquids and the asses of savory characters from Craig’s List like every other person your age. You are not some radical queer who feels the need to point out that the binary is perpetuated by the use of black-and-white film screening techniques in Young Frankenstein.
Your lust for their body overpowers your disgust for your own, and the clothes are peeled off in rapid succession. The clamorous course of your heart as it races towards satisfaction is intercepted by the pain of being perceived by someone other than a bathtub. Every antecedent is exposed between the sheets. The necessary truth ex nihilo nihil fit-out of nothing comes nothing- makes it inevitable that you will end up having to educate him or her while you are naked.
That testosterone has transformed you into the more reticent of the sexes in a matter of mere months is hardly evident as tears automatically spring to your eyes like a reflex. If you are with a girl, recover quickly from the divisive slice as she separates you from other men by saying that you are different and not like other guys. If you are with another dude, ignore the stab of envy as your pupils widen to accommodate the girth of his manhood.
Try not to feel like your body parts have been outsourced from basements and that your skin was constructed from the second-hand upholstery used by Coach bag vendors in China Town. You have needs and are determined to form an interpersonal union in the absence of dulled senses, partly because you cannot emotionally afford to grow dependent on masking the pain and partially because you have been advised to abstain from drinking due to the hormonal therapy.
You pray that they refer to your junk with gender-appropriate language and cringe when they don’t. It requires your most sincere efforts to feign confidence and take them on the ride of their life without falling off the edge of the earth in the process.
You are just getting acquainted with your erection when they use the word “woman” in reference to your former self. It takes everything in your power to not pull a hysterical Gene Wilder and cry during sex, even though this cruel conjugation is enough to deploy the air from your lungs and consolidate your chest into a neatly crushed soda can. If you are horny enough, it is possible to undergo a hot-blooded rebirth and achieve a born-again boner. Despite the lump that has formed in the back of your throat, you fight to reclaim the intimacy of the moment the way you would muster five more minutes of reading as the sun goes down in the summer because you don't want to go inside just yet.
After an unsatisfying fuck, you roll over and try to make light of the situation. Indeed, even authentic copies of Leonardo da Vinci's greatly detailed, highly accurate anatomical depictions had wine stains.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Friday, January 25, 2013
Neuroscientific Grounds For Studying the Relationship Between Cannabis Use and Schizophrenia: Potential Therapeutic Applications
Thinking about my paper: So, clinical trials show that psychosis is exacerbated by marijuana use, but also that people who display schizophrenic symptoms naturally gravitate towards marijuana.
Perhaps, in its entirety, marijuana poses a risk to people that are already susceptible to schizophrenia. However, perhaps when it is broken into its constituent compounds, marijuana can be a useful remedy for these patients. For example, in one preliminary clinical trial, cannabidiol, which is posited as being responsible for weed's anxiety inducing effects, was found to treat schizophrenia as effectively as antipsychotics. The drug was devoid of THC, the active ingredient in marijuana, which is what imbues it with psychoactive properties.
Marijuana also has a wide range of effects that, given the neuroanatomy implicated in schizophrenic patients, might possess psychopharmacological potential when it is compartmental based on what properties of the plant are desired.
For example, cannabinoids have been shown to elicit anti-depressant behavior and activate serotonergic neurons through the medial prefrontal cortex. Additionally, several studies have indicated functional interactions between the cannabinoid and 5-HT (serotonin) systems in the brain. For example, the dorsal raphe, which is a significant source of serotonin in the forebrain, expresses the enzyme amide hydrolase, which catalyzes the inactivation of anandamide and 2-arachidonoylglycerol, the endogenous cannabinoid neurotransmitters that the brain naturally produces. Basically, anytime a neurotransmitter (chemical messenger) is present in the brain, they eventually need to be terminated by enzymes so that they aren't acting upon the brain for too long. So it is important to note that the same systems in the brain that mediate mood involve cannabinoids to come capacity-indeed, cannabinoid receptors are also abundantly expressed in the prefrontal cortex.
This is important because depression is a comorbid occurrence in many schizophrenic patients.
Studies have also suggested that marijuana can stimulate neurogenesis, or growth or new neurons, in the hippocampus. Not only is reduced hippocampal volume a common observation is depressed patients, but in one study, it was also bilaterally reduced in schizophrenic patients compared to controls.
Hence, marijuana, or at least some of its constituents, might be able to alleviate some of the symptoms experiences by a schizophrenic patient.s
Now, it has certainly been demonstrated that marijuana can worsen symptoms in this same population. But again, no conclusive statements can be made as to whether or not people with schizophrenia naturally gravitate towards marijuana, marijuana increases the onset of psychosis in people that are already vulnerable, or a combination of the two.
There is something to be said for vulnerability. Very few of us have an optimal genetic ancestry. Everyone's family history is riddled with dark spots. Specifically, a recent study isolates the NRG1 gene as a susceptibility gene for marijuana dependence. It is also found to be implicated in schizophrenia risk.
It is a correlation that requires further exploration. Currently, young people are taught to avoid marijuana like the plague due to the associated risk of developing schizophrenia. But as the evidence for any type of relationship remains correlation and also elucidates the role of prior susceptibility, advising every human being to stay far away from the drug is not practical. A recent statistical analysis that examined available data regarding cannabis users and schizophrenia found that it would be necessary to stop 2800 heavy cannabis users in young men and over 5000 heavy cannabis users in young women to prevent a single case of schizophrenia. Among light cannabis users, those numbers rise to over 10,000 young men and nearly 30,000 young women to prevent one case of schizophrenia.
Rather than condemning this mysterious and potent herb to scientific squalor, we must subject it to rigorous empirical study and be open to the idea that the connections between marijuana and psychosis, specifically schizophrenia, are not as simple as they may seem. Knowledge is power, and by perfecting pharmacodynamic parameters such as the ideal dosage and exactly how much exposure makes marijuana dangerous for these patients, we can increase the chances that this drug will be used in ways that are conducive to well being and while avoiding potential risks.
This, coupled with the fact that there aspects of the marijuana plant that demonstrate potential for therapeutic application for schizophrenic patients, demands that scientists investigate the matter further. Maximizing safety, reducing harm to vulnerable populations, and possibly improving the quality of life for the approximately 2.5 million Americans who suffer from this debilitating illness, makes the relationship between marijuana use and the schizophrenic brain worth studying.
Perhaps, in its entirety, marijuana poses a risk to people that are already susceptible to schizophrenia. However, perhaps when it is broken into its constituent compounds, marijuana can be a useful remedy for these patients. For example, in one preliminary clinical trial, cannabidiol, which is posited as being responsible for weed's anxiety inducing effects, was found to treat schizophrenia as effectively as antipsychotics. The drug was devoid of THC, the active ingredient in marijuana, which is what imbues it with psychoactive properties.
Marijuana also has a wide range of effects that, given the neuroanatomy implicated in schizophrenic patients, might possess psychopharmacological potential when it is compartmental based on what properties of the plant are desired.
For example, cannabinoids have been shown to elicit anti-depressant behavior and activate serotonergic neurons through the medial prefrontal cortex. Additionally, several studies have indicated functional interactions between the cannabinoid and 5-HT (serotonin) systems in the brain. For example, the dorsal raphe, which is a significant source of serotonin in the forebrain, expresses the enzyme amide hydrolase, which catalyzes the inactivation of anandamide and 2-arachidonoylglycerol, the endogenous cannabinoid neurotransmitters that the brain naturally produces. Basically, anytime a neurotransmitter (chemical messenger) is present in the brain, they eventually need to be terminated by enzymes so that they aren't acting upon the brain for too long. So it is important to note that the same systems in the brain that mediate mood involve cannabinoids to come capacity-indeed, cannabinoid receptors are also abundantly expressed in the prefrontal cortex.
This is important because depression is a comorbid occurrence in many schizophrenic patients.
Studies have also suggested that marijuana can stimulate neurogenesis, or growth or new neurons, in the hippocampus. Not only is reduced hippocampal volume a common observation is depressed patients, but in one study, it was also bilaterally reduced in schizophrenic patients compared to controls.
Hence, marijuana, or at least some of its constituents, might be able to alleviate some of the symptoms experiences by a schizophrenic patient.s
Now, it has certainly been demonstrated that marijuana can worsen symptoms in this same population. But again, no conclusive statements can be made as to whether or not people with schizophrenia naturally gravitate towards marijuana, marijuana increases the onset of psychosis in people that are already vulnerable, or a combination of the two.
There is something to be said for vulnerability. Very few of us have an optimal genetic ancestry. Everyone's family history is riddled with dark spots. Specifically, a recent study isolates the NRG1 gene as a susceptibility gene for marijuana dependence. It is also found to be implicated in schizophrenia risk.
It is a correlation that requires further exploration. Currently, young people are taught to avoid marijuana like the plague due to the associated risk of developing schizophrenia. But as the evidence for any type of relationship remains correlation and also elucidates the role of prior susceptibility, advising every human being to stay far away from the drug is not practical. A recent statistical analysis that examined available data regarding cannabis users and schizophrenia found that it would be necessary to stop 2800 heavy cannabis users in young men and over 5000 heavy cannabis users in young women to prevent a single case of schizophrenia. Among light cannabis users, those numbers rise to over 10,000 young men and nearly 30,000 young women to prevent one case of schizophrenia.
Rather than condemning this mysterious and potent herb to scientific squalor, we must subject it to rigorous empirical study and be open to the idea that the connections between marijuana and psychosis, specifically schizophrenia, are not as simple as they may seem. Knowledge is power, and by perfecting pharmacodynamic parameters such as the ideal dosage and exactly how much exposure makes marijuana dangerous for these patients, we can increase the chances that this drug will be used in ways that are conducive to well being and while avoiding potential risks.
This, coupled with the fact that there aspects of the marijuana plant that demonstrate potential for therapeutic application for schizophrenic patients, demands that scientists investigate the matter further. Maximizing safety, reducing harm to vulnerable populations, and possibly improving the quality of life for the approximately 2.5 million Americans who suffer from this debilitating illness, makes the relationship between marijuana use and the schizophrenic brain worth studying.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Are we really born in the wrong body? A dissection of the language that defines the trans movement
As transgender related issues receive increasing amounts of media exposure, I encounter more and more criticism within the community about the use of generalizations such as, "S(he) felt that s(he) was trapped in the wrong body." Many trans* individuals feel offended by and uncomfortable with the dissemination of a narrative that focuses exclusively on the dominant conception of assigned sex rather than the fiercely personal sense of gender identity.
To an extent, I agree with these arguments. Indeed, the default statements that precede the appearance of transgender guests on daytime talk shows such as Oprah and The Tyra Banks Show demand a diluted and digestible rationale for transitioning that will not break the thin ice that is already being tread upon. They serve to remind us that acceptance is scant and thus, we must rapaciously consume the few bread crumbs that are thrown our way as a token of acceptance. In this manner, the media facilitates a trade-off between the indispensable dignity of an autonomous individual and reaping the privileges conferred by the masses when our story is more palatable to them.
As transgender writer and activist Janet Mock puts it, "Why don’t I like it? Because it places me in the role of victim, and to those who take mainstream media depictions as truth I’m seen as a human to be pitied because I’m someone who needs to be saved, rather than a self-determined woman with agency and choice and the ability to define who I am in this society and who I will become in spite of it."
That being said, I have major reservations about the implications of insinuating that transgender people are able to acquire the tools conducive to this agency of which Mock so highly speaks. To prime you for this discussion, consider an article that I read just a few days ago written by a lesbian woman who hesitates to introduce her long-term partner as "wife" to co-workers and friends, in spite of them having recently obtained a civil union. Although their relationship certainly resembles a marriage when framed in terms of level of commitment and devotion, the author feels that it would be a disservice to imply to others that she and her partner have been allotted more federal protections than the law really allows. Thus, she draws attention to the importance of using nomenclature that keeps things in perspective and does not undermine the nature of the injustices that marginalized communities continue to be subjected to.
I will never condemn a fellow member of the Trans Family for their views. Far from it-of all people, no one is more entitled to state an opinion regarding trans issues than a trans person. This is why I hold the stances of all trans people in the highest esteem, whether I agree with them or not.
That being said, I think that while Janet Mock means well, she is promulgating the Transgender Dream, a journey that is delineated with sidewalks paved in gold. The harsh reality is that for many people, the means for transitioning, even partially, continue to be unattainable.
Stark classism is evident in a community that is already disproportionately impacted by unemployment, poverty, and lack of familial and social support. Quite frankly, taking the initiative to live full-time as one's true gender costs a lot of fucking money. Really, the cost is astronomical.
First, you have to buy a whole new wardrobe. You are basically building a whole closet from scratch instead of purchasing a few articles here and there as old items become disposable. Then, depending on where you live and what health care providers are in your area, you have to invest in therapy for months in order to receive a diagnosis of gender identity disorder so that you can receive a letter of recommendation to go ahead and start the process. If you don't have health insurance, you are fucked.
I was incredibly lucky, for I just so happen to be able to get to Philadelphia by train, where the Mazzoni Center is located. Mazzoni is an LGBT health care and wellness center that operates on an informed consent model, which means that there is no requirement for a letter from a therapist or specific requirements about about how long you have to live as your true gender. And those letters can be expensive-I have one friend who paid $600 for a lousy piece of paper that granted him permission to make decisions about his own medical care. And depending on what part of the country one resides in, there might not even be any gender therapists located in the vicinity. Some trans people travel to other states just to attend weekly therapy sessions, which again costs a shit ton in gas money.
Then you have to pay for the doctor's visits so that you can receive a thorough examination and have a full blood panel done in order to ensure that your state of health is optimal before starting the transition. Again, if you don't have health insurance, you are fucked. There are bound to be several appointments, so there are more co-pays and travel costs, as well. Then you have to pay for the actual hormones themselves. With insurance, they can range anywhere from $50 to over $100 a month. People without insurance have to pay out of pocket. This is why some trans people resort to buying hormones off of the black market. They might also consider illicit means to attaining their goals if therapists deny their letter if they find out that their transgender client has a history of sexual abuse. Unfortunately, it is (erroneously) believed by some in the field that these experiences influence one's gender identity.
I cannot speak for trans women, for I am simply ill-informed about the surgical means that are available to them. What I do know is that chest reconstruction surgery for trans guys is anywhere from $7,000-$10,000, and a full-fledged phalloplasty can cost anywhere from $50,000-$150,000. And for most trans guys, the current limitations of medical technology do not even make it a viable or safe option.
There is the cost of changing one's legal name, which is around $300 after court fees. There are the various fees associated with updating one's driver's license, passport, and other government issued documents and forms of identification.
So...is the age old narrative of being "trapped in the wrong body" over-simplified? Certainly. But is it inaccurate? I am not so sure. Of course, I cannot speak for all trans people. We are as diverse as we are numerous and well dispersed throughout the population and among all walks of life. But I think it is safe to say that agency must be backed up by currency in order to have any real value. And until trans individuals are able to take the steps that are necessary for being recognized as who they really are, well...the body isn't exactly going to feel like an ample ecological preserve imbued with opportunity, open spaces, and life-affirming experiences.
Maybe it would be more accurate to say that we were born into a bloody liberation front.
To an extent, I agree with these arguments. Indeed, the default statements that precede the appearance of transgender guests on daytime talk shows such as Oprah and The Tyra Banks Show demand a diluted and digestible rationale for transitioning that will not break the thin ice that is already being tread upon. They serve to remind us that acceptance is scant and thus, we must rapaciously consume the few bread crumbs that are thrown our way as a token of acceptance. In this manner, the media facilitates a trade-off between the indispensable dignity of an autonomous individual and reaping the privileges conferred by the masses when our story is more palatable to them.
As transgender writer and activist Janet Mock puts it, "Why don’t I like it? Because it places me in the role of victim, and to those who take mainstream media depictions as truth I’m seen as a human to be pitied because I’m someone who needs to be saved, rather than a self-determined woman with agency and choice and the ability to define who I am in this society and who I will become in spite of it."
That being said, I have major reservations about the implications of insinuating that transgender people are able to acquire the tools conducive to this agency of which Mock so highly speaks. To prime you for this discussion, consider an article that I read just a few days ago written by a lesbian woman who hesitates to introduce her long-term partner as "wife" to co-workers and friends, in spite of them having recently obtained a civil union. Although their relationship certainly resembles a marriage when framed in terms of level of commitment and devotion, the author feels that it would be a disservice to imply to others that she and her partner have been allotted more federal protections than the law really allows. Thus, she draws attention to the importance of using nomenclature that keeps things in perspective and does not undermine the nature of the injustices that marginalized communities continue to be subjected to.
I will never condemn a fellow member of the Trans Family for their views. Far from it-of all people, no one is more entitled to state an opinion regarding trans issues than a trans person. This is why I hold the stances of all trans people in the highest esteem, whether I agree with them or not.
That being said, I think that while Janet Mock means well, she is promulgating the Transgender Dream, a journey that is delineated with sidewalks paved in gold. The harsh reality is that for many people, the means for transitioning, even partially, continue to be unattainable.
Stark classism is evident in a community that is already disproportionately impacted by unemployment, poverty, and lack of familial and social support. Quite frankly, taking the initiative to live full-time as one's true gender costs a lot of fucking money. Really, the cost is astronomical.
First, you have to buy a whole new wardrobe. You are basically building a whole closet from scratch instead of purchasing a few articles here and there as old items become disposable. Then, depending on where you live and what health care providers are in your area, you have to invest in therapy for months in order to receive a diagnosis of gender identity disorder so that you can receive a letter of recommendation to go ahead and start the process. If you don't have health insurance, you are fucked.
I was incredibly lucky, for I just so happen to be able to get to Philadelphia by train, where the Mazzoni Center is located. Mazzoni is an LGBT health care and wellness center that operates on an informed consent model, which means that there is no requirement for a letter from a therapist or specific requirements about about how long you have to live as your true gender. And those letters can be expensive-I have one friend who paid $600 for a lousy piece of paper that granted him permission to make decisions about his own medical care. And depending on what part of the country one resides in, there might not even be any gender therapists located in the vicinity. Some trans people travel to other states just to attend weekly therapy sessions, which again costs a shit ton in gas money.
Then you have to pay for the doctor's visits so that you can receive a thorough examination and have a full blood panel done in order to ensure that your state of health is optimal before starting the transition. Again, if you don't have health insurance, you are fucked. There are bound to be several appointments, so there are more co-pays and travel costs, as well. Then you have to pay for the actual hormones themselves. With insurance, they can range anywhere from $50 to over $100 a month. People without insurance have to pay out of pocket. This is why some trans people resort to buying hormones off of the black market. They might also consider illicit means to attaining their goals if therapists deny their letter if they find out that their transgender client has a history of sexual abuse. Unfortunately, it is (erroneously) believed by some in the field that these experiences influence one's gender identity.
I cannot speak for trans women, for I am simply ill-informed about the surgical means that are available to them. What I do know is that chest reconstruction surgery for trans guys is anywhere from $7,000-$10,000, and a full-fledged phalloplasty can cost anywhere from $50,000-$150,000. And for most trans guys, the current limitations of medical technology do not even make it a viable or safe option.
There is the cost of changing one's legal name, which is around $300 after court fees. There are the various fees associated with updating one's driver's license, passport, and other government issued documents and forms of identification.
So...is the age old narrative of being "trapped in the wrong body" over-simplified? Certainly. But is it inaccurate? I am not so sure. Of course, I cannot speak for all trans people. We are as diverse as we are numerous and well dispersed throughout the population and among all walks of life. But I think it is safe to say that agency must be backed up by currency in order to have any real value. And until trans individuals are able to take the steps that are necessary for being recognized as who they really are, well...the body isn't exactly going to feel like an ample ecological preserve imbued with opportunity, open spaces, and life-affirming experiences.
Maybe it would be more accurate to say that we were born into a bloody liberation front.
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